Do you ever feel like this? That you have to make sure the shows your children are watching are appropriate, even if they are on some of the major children networks. As my children have grown we have always monitored what shows they watch. A few years ago my son was watching a popular television show for kids (one of those fighting ones). I had decided that day to sit down and watch it with him, to get an idea about the show and any others he was watching. The show was fine to start with (a little lame) and it was about halfway into the program when the adult on the show said that it was okay to lie occasionally, as long as it wasn't a big lie. I was shocked, the show got immediately shut off and it was banned from being watched in our home. We also let our family members know what had been said and they banned it also.
When our children are watching cartoons, you think that it will be an okay show to watch, that you shouldn't have to monitor it because after all it is a cartoon. Over the years, we have come to ban a few shows because of the attitude the characters have on it. One is that it is okay to lie, another one was that it was okay to pee your pants, and another just because of the way they treated the adults on the show (that they were stupid).
My children haven't felt deprived because they can't watch certain shows, even when they go to their friends houses and they want to watch the show, my children come home. We are trying to instill a sense of moral right and wrong in our children and if banning television shows helps in that endeavor, we will continue to handle it the way we have been. The most important part of parenting is consistency, without it you will lose control of your children. And it is our job as the parent, to make sure they go down the path they are meant to go down. If by being careful what they watch and hear does that, then I will continue to monitor everything they see and hear.
Next time I will talk about the music that children listen to and how it affects them.
Enjoy your teenagers, they are only with you for a couple of more years.
Thanks
Patti
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Teenagers and Moving
When we decided to move across the country we sat our children down and explained to them the reasoning behind the move. We let them give their view point of the situation and any ideas they had to make the transition easier for them. It is always important to let your teenagers feel like they have some control in any given situation. Part of the reason that teenagers feel rebellious is because they are trying to learn to have control over their lives and as parents this is what we want to have happen. It is our job to make sure they are able to accomplish this with minimal upheaval.
When you are planning your move, talk to you children. Let them know what is going on and where you are at in the planning process. Have them help you look at the different homes you are researching, they will have opinions on them. When they give you an opinion, listen to them, they just might notice something that you missed. If there are extra bedrooms in the house, let them choose which one they want and have them help you with the layout and design of the room.
One of the other areas that will help them cope with the transition is the school districts. We moved from an area that had one school district and large schools and moved into an area that had quite a few school districts with smaller schools. We had our children look at the different schools and find out if there was anything about them that they didn't like. When we discussed where we were going to move in the town, it helped them to know more about the school districts.
It is always important to talk to your children before any large transition in their lives. By keeping the lines of communication open, you have a better chance of being able to assist your children in the areas they are struggling in. It is also important to let your children have some control over their lives. Our goal as parents is to make sure they can survive in the world on their own and the first step to that is teaching them control over their lives. All we can do is teach them what we can and sit back and let them fly.
When you are planning your move, talk to you children. Let them know what is going on and where you are at in the planning process. Have them help you look at the different homes you are researching, they will have opinions on them. When they give you an opinion, listen to them, they just might notice something that you missed. If there are extra bedrooms in the house, let them choose which one they want and have them help you with the layout and design of the room.
One of the other areas that will help them cope with the transition is the school districts. We moved from an area that had one school district and large schools and moved into an area that had quite a few school districts with smaller schools. We had our children look at the different schools and find out if there was anything about them that they didn't like. When we discussed where we were going to move in the town, it helped them to know more about the school districts.
It is always important to talk to your children before any large transition in their lives. By keeping the lines of communication open, you have a better chance of being able to assist your children in the areas they are struggling in. It is also important to let your children have some control over their lives. Our goal as parents is to make sure they can survive in the world on their own and the first step to that is teaching them control over their lives. All we can do is teach them what we can and sit back and let them fly.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
The Dreaded Chores
I was talking to a friend one day, his daughter was 6 months old and he was asking me about my children. He wanted to know if I gave my children chores. I, of course, answered yes. He was puzzled and responded, but how could I force my children to do things around the house, wasn't that my responsibility as a parent. I remember smiling at him and explaining why I make sure my children have chores. There are a few reasons and I am going to talk about them here today.
I believe that children need chores for several reasons. The first is that they help make the mess in the house and therefore they can help clean it up. If they leave something laying around, it is there responsibility to make sure it is picked up. Now that is the main reason...responsibility. If children don't have responsibilities in their life then how can they learn the satisfaction of doing a job well. How can they learn that picking up after yourself is common courtesy? Children need to have responsibility in their lives, whether it is with chores or with school work. They need to learn they are responsible for their own actions and that they can't blame someone else for their shortcomings.
The man was further flabbergasted when I proceeded to tell him that my children will be able to handle their own house when they move out. They both know how to do laundry, clean a house to hold up under a military inspection as both my husband and I were military (not that we force them to clean to this standard), they can cook (my daughter is still working on this and my son is a better cook than I am), they can figure out a menu and then figure out the grocery list from that and they both know how to budget their money (not that they always do). The man was shocked and said to me, Patti, I don't even know how to do all of those things. I said then I am sorry for you.
I never want my children to believe that there is something they can't do. Some people believe that by having children do chores you are using them as child labor, but what parent wants their child to go out into their life and fail. By having my children do chores, I am working on setting them up to succeed. If they can succeed in the daily household items now then they don't have to focus on them later and they can focus on their family, education and careers. But most important they can also focus on God. This is extremely important, no one should be consumed with the learning of daily chores, that isn't where our focus should lie. It should lie with improving ourselves and if by teaching my children how to do chores now then I am helping to make their lives simpler when they mature.
I fully believe that it is our responsibility as a parent to teach our children as much as possible. If we can teach them to have how to handle the simple things, they will be able to handle the bigger things. It is our responsibility to make sure they are prepared to go out into the world and when they start their first job, their boss isn't going to come by and tell them it is okay to be late on an assignment, I will take care of it for you. This is what we have to teach our children, that it is okay to take care of yourself, that it is important to handle the small things so they don't become big things. I know some of you will disagree with me, but I hope this has been helpful to some of you.
Enjoy your children and love them enough to teach them to stand on their own feet. They will thank you for it when they mature. Thanks and have a great day
Patti
I believe that children need chores for several reasons. The first is that they help make the mess in the house and therefore they can help clean it up. If they leave something laying around, it is there responsibility to make sure it is picked up. Now that is the main reason...responsibility. If children don't have responsibilities in their life then how can they learn the satisfaction of doing a job well. How can they learn that picking up after yourself is common courtesy? Children need to have responsibility in their lives, whether it is with chores or with school work. They need to learn they are responsible for their own actions and that they can't blame someone else for their shortcomings.
The man was further flabbergasted when I proceeded to tell him that my children will be able to handle their own house when they move out. They both know how to do laundry, clean a house to hold up under a military inspection as both my husband and I were military (not that we force them to clean to this standard), they can cook (my daughter is still working on this and my son is a better cook than I am), they can figure out a menu and then figure out the grocery list from that and they both know how to budget their money (not that they always do). The man was shocked and said to me, Patti, I don't even know how to do all of those things. I said then I am sorry for you.
I never want my children to believe that there is something they can't do. Some people believe that by having children do chores you are using them as child labor, but what parent wants their child to go out into their life and fail. By having my children do chores, I am working on setting them up to succeed. If they can succeed in the daily household items now then they don't have to focus on them later and they can focus on their family, education and careers. But most important they can also focus on God. This is extremely important, no one should be consumed with the learning of daily chores, that isn't where our focus should lie. It should lie with improving ourselves and if by teaching my children how to do chores now then I am helping to make their lives simpler when they mature.
I fully believe that it is our responsibility as a parent to teach our children as much as possible. If we can teach them to have how to handle the simple things, they will be able to handle the bigger things. It is our responsibility to make sure they are prepared to go out into the world and when they start their first job, their boss isn't going to come by and tell them it is okay to be late on an assignment, I will take care of it for you. This is what we have to teach our children, that it is okay to take care of yourself, that it is important to handle the small things so they don't become big things. I know some of you will disagree with me, but I hope this has been helpful to some of you.
Enjoy your children and love them enough to teach them to stand on their own feet. They will thank you for it when they mature. Thanks and have a great day
Patti
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Dinner Table
We decided a few years ago that we would make sure that we had dinner together at least 5 days a week. At first this was difficult, my husband worked from home at the time and he would get caught up in his work and wouldn't come down and eat with us, either that or I had to work late. And if we did eat together it was in front of the TV on the couch. Not really conducive to talking together.
We recently moved and one of the things we decided was to have dinner together in the evenings. So every night, dinner is made by either myself, my husband or sometimes even my son and we sit down at the table to eat. We say Grace and then have dinner together, we discuss our day and we have actual conversations with our children. We actually find out what some of the problems they are having in school and are able to help them with those problems.
I think this is an integral part of family life, when I was growing up we always had dinner together as a family around the dinner table. We moved away from it when we had our children and our excuse was that our lives were too busy. Well we made a decision that we would make a conscious effort to slow down and spend that time with our children. It is important not just for their well being but for ours to have that time together. Now I am not saying that having dinner together will solve all of your problems, but I think it will help to find solutions to those problems, because you are actually spending time together and talking.
One of the side benefits that we have seen, is that we also get to know our children's friends better. Because our children know they have to be home for dinner, they invite their friends over and they are involved in the discussions also. By knowing your children's friends you are better able to keep a handle on who they are hanging out with and with what type of people.
But I think the best side benefit to having dinner together in the evenings, is getting to know our children on a more personal level. We are able to find out what they like and don't like. What things bother them and things they don't care about. It also helps us to help them grow and get to know us. Since we have started doing this, my children's grades have increased from my son getting D's and F's and the occasional C to getting straight A's. My daughter went from thinking that it was okay to be a C student with the occasional D to also being a straight A student. She now gets upset if she gets a C. By spending time with your children in the evenings, you help them in so many ways. I have just named a couple, but one of the ones you need to think about is that when they are spending time with you, they aren't watching TV or playing video games, and for that reason alone, we will continue to have dinner with our children in the evenings and hope that you do also.
Good luck and remember teenagers can be a joy
Patti
We recently moved and one of the things we decided was to have dinner together in the evenings. So every night, dinner is made by either myself, my husband or sometimes even my son and we sit down at the table to eat. We say Grace and then have dinner together, we discuss our day and we have actual conversations with our children. We actually find out what some of the problems they are having in school and are able to help them with those problems.
I think this is an integral part of family life, when I was growing up we always had dinner together as a family around the dinner table. We moved away from it when we had our children and our excuse was that our lives were too busy. Well we made a decision that we would make a conscious effort to slow down and spend that time with our children. It is important not just for their well being but for ours to have that time together. Now I am not saying that having dinner together will solve all of your problems, but I think it will help to find solutions to those problems, because you are actually spending time together and talking.
One of the side benefits that we have seen, is that we also get to know our children's friends better. Because our children know they have to be home for dinner, they invite their friends over and they are involved in the discussions also. By knowing your children's friends you are better able to keep a handle on who they are hanging out with and with what type of people.
But I think the best side benefit to having dinner together in the evenings, is getting to know our children on a more personal level. We are able to find out what they like and don't like. What things bother them and things they don't care about. It also helps us to help them grow and get to know us. Since we have started doing this, my children's grades have increased from my son getting D's and F's and the occasional C to getting straight A's. My daughter went from thinking that it was okay to be a C student with the occasional D to also being a straight A student. She now gets upset if she gets a C. By spending time with your children in the evenings, you help them in so many ways. I have just named a couple, but one of the ones you need to think about is that when they are spending time with you, they aren't watching TV or playing video games, and for that reason alone, we will continue to have dinner with our children in the evenings and hope that you do also.
Good luck and remember teenagers can be a joy
Patti
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Children & Homework
I have a questions for the parents out there. Should you have your children do their homework as soon as they get home or let them relax for a little while first then have them do their homework?
When I used to work outside the house my children's favorite excuse for not doing their homework was because they needed my help to do it. They would have one question they were stumped on and wouldn't move beyond that question to finish the others. Instead they would stop and tell me they needed my help with their homework.
Now that I am not working outside the house and am able to work from home, when they get home I have them do their homework. They try and give me grief over it, but I stick to my rules and make them do it immediately.
Should this be the way it is handled or should I allow them to have a little while relaxing before they take care of it? They are obviously arguing for me to allow them the relaxation time, but I don't think it would be beneficial to them. If they do their homework as soon as they come home then they have the rest of the evening ahead of them to do just about anything they want.
Let me know what you think. Thanks
Patti
When I used to work outside the house my children's favorite excuse for not doing their homework was because they needed my help to do it. They would have one question they were stumped on and wouldn't move beyond that question to finish the others. Instead they would stop and tell me they needed my help with their homework.
Now that I am not working outside the house and am able to work from home, when they get home I have them do their homework. They try and give me grief over it, but I stick to my rules and make them do it immediately.
Should this be the way it is handled or should I allow them to have a little while relaxing before they take care of it? They are obviously arguing for me to allow them the relaxation time, but I don't think it would be beneficial to them. If they do their homework as soon as they come home then they have the rest of the evening ahead of them to do just about anything they want.
Let me know what you think. Thanks
Patti
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Intro
Hi, I wanted to start this by letting you know that I am a proud parent of two teenagers. My son is 17 and my daughter 13. I figured I would use this to offer advice to new parents and get advice from parents who have already been through the turmoil I and others go through with their children. I figured I could use this to recommend articles and books that have helped me and to see if there are any better ones that I haven't read or experiences I haven't heard about. I also thought I would use to to look at different products that I have used with my children and which products I wouldn't recommend and why. I always enjoy comments and if you would like to hear about a particular topic please let me know. I look forward to talking with all of you and can't wait to hear your topic suggestions and comments.
God Bless
Patti
God Bless
Patti
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