Parenting teens: Knowing how to choose your battles

As with anything in life it is important to pick the battles that will make a difference. If you are constantly bickering with your teenager then you won’t accomplish anything except alienate him or her. Your goal as a parent is to pick the battles that are important. If it is important to you that your child do well in school then that is a battle you can pick, but is it smart to fight over your child getting a B instead of an A. Those are the types of questions you need to ask yourself.

Your children will go through many changes in their teenage years. You will wonder if they have been invaded by the pod people, but sit back and see how they are handling things before you jump into the fray. If you don’t like one of their friends they look at their other friends and see if they are a good influence on your teenager. If they have one friend that is a bad influence, decide if it is worth it to start a fight over, because remember that you could push your teenager right into the friendship. But if you monitor the situation then if you see your child pulling away from the “good” kids then you might have cause for concern. Remember though that you don’t see the actual behavior of the child when they aren’t around you. The child who you thought was a good influence could be the one that is doing drugs and drinking while the one that you think is bad is struggling to improve himself to succeed in the real world. If you forbid a child to do something, they are more likely to try it than if you talk to them about your reasons.

The most important thing is that you need to choose the battles that matter. While it is important to handle the situation when your child gets surly it is more important to deal with your child experimenting with drugs and alcohol. If you are grounding your child on a consistent basis then it will lose its effectiveness, so will have to work on coming up with new ways to punish or restrict your child on a continual basis. Instead you want to focus on teaching your child the correct way to handle a situation that way you don’t have to worry about battles as much because they know the correct way to act and knows that there will be repercussions for their actions.

Children are trying to find their place in the world. They don’t feel comfortable in their skin and just want to fit in. During their teenage years is when they are trying to find the sweet spot that will help them to find their place. They are trying to discover what they are supposed to be when they grow up and most don’t have a clue. They are dealing with hormones that are completely out of synch and one moment they are smiling and the next crying. If you get upset every time they do then you will be on the rollercoaster ride with them and they need you to be the rock that keeps them grounded. They will push you and try to get their way, but they know that it won’t always happen, but you need to decide which issues are the important ones and which ones you will let them have control over.